FREE* Massage!

Welcome friends and future friends. This is my brand new virtual space, which will be steadily amassing awesomeness every day!

I offer several ways to get FREE* bodywork! I do this for three reasons.

  1. To entice people to try me out risk-free.
  2. To keep people excited about coming to me for help with their bodies.
  3. To make it possible for most people to enjoy the benefits of massage and to experience my unique style.

The Newsletter Giveaway

Every month (yes, every month) I will be giving away a 75 minute massage to one lucky member of my list for. This could be YOU. So, if you want to snag a chance to feel the magic of my technique then SIGN-UP TODAY!

(Well really, it’s not magic. It’s science. But it will feel like magic.)

Oh, and you will be hearing from me sporadically about massage specials, tricks and tips about keeping your tension levels in check, and of course, seemingly random rants presented in my signature brand of dry, irreverent goofiness! I promise I’m only interested in helping the pain in your neck, not be one!

Referral Credits

For every new client you refer to me, you earn $20 worth of bodywork, to be claimed however you like! Keep in mind, this is unlimited and stackable… If you do my advertising work for me, you get paid in massage!

The Super-Ridiculous Birthday Special

It sounds a little wacky, but I will give you one free* massage on your birthday, or within 6 months after it! The even wackier part is that if it is on or within 6 months after your HALF Birthday, you get a massage at HALF-price!!

If you think about it, that means that every year you get 1.5 massages for free*!!


By now you’ve noticed the asterisk in free*. I give my work away as a promotion, but I still have to pay for stuff… That’s why I ask for $5 per session despite any freebies. Not only that, but it’s always good to remember that the valuable service you’re receiving as a gift is intended to be an incentive to help support me and my craft by continuing patronage and letting others know how awesome I am!

*Tongue-in-cheek Amateur Legalese*

The Newsletter Giveaway and Referral Credits are transferable to other people, while the birthday special is not.

I can totally deny any person my services for any reason I like. (Though this has never happened)

The Newsletter Giveaway massage expires 1 month from notification of winning, and the Referral credit never expires. I will be very strict on the eligibility periods for the Birthday Special. It’s generous enough already!

Obviously, these free massage offers are only valid within the Saratoga Springs and Capital District area. I’m aware many of you are not, so if you win, be prepared to either a) travel, b) gift the session to someone you know who is in the area, or c) forfeit out of courtesy! Unless of course you want to pay all my travel bills, in which case I would love a day trip…